


The Perfect Road Trip

by DramaticNia



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Concussions, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Hurt, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memories, Nightmares, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27805060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DramaticNia/pseuds/DramaticNia
Summary: In 2014, Jeremy and Richard are travelling from the UK to Italy, and then from Italy to France to film a special episode of Top Gear namedThe Perfect Road Trip.Everything looksperfecton theirperfectroad trip,until a stupid car crash happens...
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	The Perfect Road Trip

**Author's Note:**

> !!!Warning: please pay attention to the tags!!!

Tyres screeching...

Glass breaking...

Metal crunching...

And then it stops...

The occupants of the car no longer screaming...

It was all just...

Silent.

**~~~**

_“Hi!” Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear's main presenter, yelled as he walked over, a massive smile on his face as he lit up a cigarette, “Oh! why are you out here, and why so sad?”_

_Richard looked down at his feet, bottom lip trembling as he remembered why he was sitting here all alone out of the Top Gear studio. No one hadn’t even noticed that he had sneaked away as soon as his audition had ended._

_“I... I'm just a little nervous.” he mumbled softly and eventually._

_“Why?” the taller man asked, leaning against a car in front of him to look the smaller man in the eyes, smoking his cigarette, “You were amazing back there, then why nervous? Tell me, maybe I can help.”_

_“I feel like... Like I'm not good enough for this job.” Richard sniffled, “I'm not even as experienced as other auditioners.”_

_“Oh-” the older man frowned, his own eyes looking a bit worried and Richard frowned at the fact, he didn’t like making other people uncomfortable._

_“I-it’s okay though, I’ll just have to deal with my insecurities.” he said the words even though it hurt to say them. At least the taller man wasn’t frowning anymore._

_“We can do it together.” the taller man said and Richard couldn’t help but look up at him, a little surprised, “I’m Jeremy, what’s your name?”_

_“Richard.”_

**~~~**

“Richard? Hey... God!” someone was shaking him, “Richard... C'mon, baby hamster... Open your eyes... Please, Richard... Wake up...”

He groaned, his whole body ached, his head especially, but whoever was yelling at him and begging him to wake up, sounded panicked. So he forced his eyes open. Even the dim light made his head hurt and he blinked, trying to get used to it even as his vision spun.

“Thank God.” he recognized that voice, and once he felt like his head wasn’t split open and once the nausea eased, he looked over to the source of the voice.

“J-Jeremy?” there was blood dripping down his face, “W-what happened?”

“I uh... I crashed the car.” Jeremy said, frowning deep, worry and guilt obvious on his face, “Are you okay?”

Richard took a few seconds - maybe minutes - to take stock of his body. His chest hurt and he couldn’t really ignore the pain in his ribs. But his head hurt the most and he could feel a hot liquid continuously running down his head, wetting along the side of his face down to his neck and staining his casual white shirt.

“M-my head.” was all he managed to get out, “You?”

“I’m stuck,” Jeremy groaned, “Something’s wrong with my seat belt.”

It took longer for Richard than it should have to reach down to fiddle with his own belt, then he felt a sharp jolt of pain in his chest and ribs and it should probably scare him, but he was more terrified of the fact that the seat belt wouldn’t unbuckle. They should have listened to James when he said they should get another car, something more safe and trustable.

The car they were driving was indeed a moving death trap.

“H-have you called for help?” Richard asked after a few seconds.

“There’s no reception.” Jeremy sighed, leaning his head back against the steering wheel and Richard could see small cuts on his neck and a bigger one spreading by the edge of his shirt collar.

“So... W-we’re stuck?” Richard asked hesitantly and Jeremy nodded his head, looking a bit defeated.

The only reason he wasn’t panicking was because of Jeremy's calm. The older man had always been the more level headed of the two whenever they ended up in a shitty situation, Richard just hoped they’d be okay like every other time. He closed his eyes, he was tired.

“Stay awake.” Jeremy gripped Richard's smaller hand firmly, “You probably have a concussion.”

Richard opened his eyes, Jeremy's hand was warm against his own cold one. Then he stared out the cracked windshield. There was a tree there, the stupid car wrapped around it, all he could see was bent metal and shattered glass. So much for a fun road trip huh?

“Do you remember our secret crazy race?” Jeremy said after a very long moment of silence. He wasn’t sure why the memory popped into his head, but it did and it’s not like they have much else to do anyways.

“Which time?” Richard laughs, his laughter has always been like a beautiful music to Jeremy's ears that brightens the older man's whole world up, but now it is followed by a wheezing sound that breaks off into a groan of pain and then into painful coughs.

Jeremy winces and closes his eyes until Richard's coughing is over. He would ask if Richard was okay, but he realises with a sense of dread that knowing wouldn’t change any fucking thing. So instead, he takes Richard's delicate cold hand in his and plays with the silver ring he himself had slid into the younger man's slender ring finger almost two days ago, on their date in Italy.

Then he answers the question, “The first time. While filming series one.”

“Yeah-” Richard is smiling despite the pain and the obvious exhaustion in his eyes, “w-we got caught and that was your fault.”

“It was not!” Jeremy raises his head from the steering wheel and fakes a hurt expression as he protests, raising his voice makes his head hurt but it made Richard smile more so he thinks it’s worth it - he just has to ignore the blood staining Richard's white and regular teeth.

**~~~**

_“Is this really a good idea?” Richard asks, nervously fidgeting with his hands and his long coat's sleeves._

_“It’s fine!” Jeremy assures him as he grabs the smaller man's thin wrist, putting the Porsche key in his palm before pulling him down the stairs, “It’s your birthday, it’s snowing outside and we have our favorite new cars parked right out there, we need to use the opportunity!”_

_“But-” Richard tries to state but Jeremy just shushes him._

_“So what? We’ve done it before. It will be so much fun.” Jeremy shrugs and cracks the door open to see if the track is clear._

_“We’ve never done this with such expensive cars that companies lend us, Jeremy! And I think Andy will be mad if he finds out we've done a bloody race on a frozen track with two of the most expensive cars of the whole world!” Richard rambles as he gestures with his hands._

_Jeremy ignores him and rolls his eyes, then grabs Richard's hand to pull him along. His own palm is sweaty and Richard's hand is cold as always. Jeremy both hates and loves how smaller than before Richard has become. Loves it because it makes him feel dominant and protective towards the smaller man, but he hates it because it worries him about Richard's health - that might actually be part of why he loves it too though, he loves it when he can take care of the smaller man or when he is relying on Jeremy's strength._

_They make it outside, they can see the new cars parked under the shed, and it’s only then that Jeremy lets go of the smaller hand and rushes towards the new Lamborghini, expecting Richard to do the same towards the new Porsche, but when he turns back to face the smaller man, he tilts his head in confusion. Richard is completely still, just staring at the Porsche with a stupid grin and red tinted nose, with those starry big eyes that resemble those of the cat in Shrek animation, and his body almost lost in his oversized long coat, but Jeremy believes that this is the most beautiful scene he has ever seen._

_Jeremy takes a few steps closer and smirks, using Richard's distracted face to mush snow into his face. The smaller man splutters and pushes at him to get away and Jeremy backs off, laughing so hard his knees grow weak and he has to brace himself against his legs._

_“Happy 30th birthday, Hamster.” he says once he gets his breath back._

_“Idiot.” Richard mutters as he wipes the snow off his coat, but he’s smiling widely, so Jeremy knows he’s not mad._

_“Hey, you two!” a deep voice comes from the portakabin, causing Richard and Jeremy to froze on their tracks and look at each other, panicked looks turning into ones of mischief as Andy storms outside, “Get back inside and give the damn car keys back to me, you car wreckers!”_

_They smile at each other, run towards the cars, start the engines and drive away at the highest speed possible on a frozen track._

**~~~**

Richard throws up and it ends up all over himself and he winces both at the burn in his throat and nose, and the fact that his head hurts even more now with all the retching and gagging.

“Hey, you okay?” Jeremy asks worriedly, rubbing gently up and down the younger man's arm.

“Y-yeah,” he wipes his mouth with his sleeve, “I... Uh... I m-must have had a concussion.

“Someone will find us soon.” Jeremy promises even though they both know he can’t be sure someone will, “We just have to stay awake.” he says as he squeezes Richard's trembling hand slightly in his own.

“This is gross.” Richard groans weakly.

“Not like it’s the first time you’ve been covered in vomit.”

“True,” Richard shudders, he isn’t sure if it’s at the memory or the cold, might be both.

“You threw up on me the first time we went to a party together, which was technically our first date, too.” Jeremy says, smiling.

“Ah... strong alcohol i-is not what o-one should have on their first date, though.”

They laugh but Richard's voice is much weaker now, and it scares Jeremy.

**~~~**

_It had surprised the both of them when they’d been invited to Andy's birthday party. The man was eight years older than Richard and two years younger than Jeremy, they’d barely been friends, but apparently he wanted his party to be massive and invited the whole Top Gear crew._

_They hadn't been to a party together before, so they agreed to meet up at Jeremy's house to get ready together, trying on way too many outfits only to land back at the first one they tried on. Richard was nervous but fortunately Jeremy's confidence was a little bit infectious and they got to the party with only three pep-talks being done on the way. They were a little bit late but there were so many people there that they were sure no one even noticed._

_There was a table to leave gifts on and Richard barely had the time to place theirs in the pile before Jeremy pulls him along to get him drinks. It was like a date for the both of them, and it felt enthusiastic enough that they managed to drink a lot without Richard showing how shy he was in front of all those unknown people._

_The night passes in a blur, partly because of the sweet date they were having, and partly because of the game they’re forced to join._

_They joined a group of people playing spin the bottle!_

_It was Richard's turn and he grabbed the bottle and by some sick twist of fate it stopped with the neck pointing right at Jeremy. There were only a few guys playing the game and the rest were women from their crew who screeched and squealed, pushing at the two of them to get closer to each other. They were both bright red in the face and although Richard couldn’t speak for Jeremy, his own face wasn’t flushed solely because of the alcohol in his system._

_It was comical that 'At Last' by Etta James came pouring out the speakers as they inched closer to each other..._

**_The night I looked at you_ **

**_I found a dream that I could speak to_ **

**_A dream that I can call my own..._ **

_Both men's eyes were wide open._

_However, after a moment of embarrassment, Richard stood on his tiptoes and gripped on the part of Jeremy's sleeves on his upper arm to keep his balance, while Jeremy leaned down a little to reach him halfway and put his large hand firm on Richard's thin waist to keep him from falling._

_In theory, it was just a brief touch of Richard's soft lips on top of Jeremy's lips, but the girls seemed satisfied by it if their yells were anything to go by._

_That was it, until later they were again sitting at the bar drinking, when Richard proceeded to vomit all over himself._

_It turned out that the alcohol drink Jeremy had ordered for both of them was a little too strong for the poor boy._

_Richard was almost at the edge of crying and started to apologise anxiously. Jeremy only reached out to take Richard's cold and trembling hand in his own to stop him from panicking while gently rubbing his back in a reassuring way._

_After Jeremy made sure that Richard was not going to panic again, he took the younger man's hand and brought him to the bathroom to help him clean his clothes up._

_All in all, it was a pretty good night._

**~~~**

Jeremy knew Richard, and his head was in a brief moment of clarity when he realised Richard hadn’t said a word of how he was feeling, if he was hurt or not. And that was all Jeremy needed to know that something was wrong. He could hear that Richard was struggling to breathe.

It was with a groan that Jeremy reached over to fiddle with the radio and to both their surprise it worked, there was a little static but Jeremy needed the distraction.

“J-Jeremy...”

“Yes, hamster?” Jeremy said and tried to ignore how limp and lifeless Richard's hand is becoming in his hand.

“I... I l-love you, Jeremy...” Richard mumbled softly, blinking and fighting to keep his eyes open for Jeremy's sake more than his own, but at last, he lost the battle and all of a sudden his eyelids felt too heavy for him to keep them open.

Jeremy was a little taken aback.

_It can not end here, right?_

_It just can't...!_

Jeremy gulped and tried not to think about it too much.

 _We'll be alright..._ Jeremy thought.

_Someone would find them._

_They'll be okay again._

_They had to be!_

“I love you too, Richard, so, so much.” Jeremy said sincerely as he gave Richard's hand one final squeeze.

And it’s not the first time they’ve said it, but Jeremy thinks it might be the last.

“You know... it sucks that this trip landed us here-” Jeremy says and Richard only hums in response, Jeremy glances over and to his relief Richard is still blinking slowly, still fighting to keep his eyes open even in the dim light, as the sun is starting to set, “but I’m still kinda glad we took it, I really missed you.”

“I m-missed you, too...” Richard mumbles weakly, in a very low voice that Jeremy barely hears him.

**~~~**

_“I can’t believe you’re actually going to Amazon.” Jeremy says as he stares at Richard who's folding up his clothes._

_“Why is it unbelievable?” Richard quirks a brow, “We both know I’m a brave boy.”_

_“Yeah sure, whatever you say, baby hamster.” Jeremy scoffs, he’s always had the more courage of the two of them, but unfortunately, Andy needs Jeremy's help for planning the new series, so he can't go with Richard, “But I meant as in the fact that I am getting old, you should stay by my side more!”_

_Now, Jeremy has again started to bring every stupid kind of excuse only to make Richard stay..._

_“You're not old!” Richard rolls his eyes and protests, the car toys Jeremy has bought for both of them to play with in their free time is testament of that, “And we both know that very well, Jeremy.”_

_“Huh...” Jeremy huffed in annoyance, “I did whatever that I could do... But there's no use as it seems... You're really leaving...” Jeremy says with shrugged shoulders and a sad face._

_Richard laughs and rolls his eyes at his mate's childish behaviours, but he just loves this man too much to care._

_They keep packing, occasionally being distracted by what they find as they make their way through his things and remember all the stories behind them. It warms Richard's heart that Jeremy is part of almost all of those memories._

_They stand side by side when they’re done, looking at the suitcases Richard has packed. It’s only then it really dawns on Jeremy that Richard's really leaving, filming a new documentary and all that crap. He and Richard had promised they’d do everything together, but it seems life had other plans._

_“I... I got you this.” Richard says after a while, going over to his bag to pull out a wrapped present, it’s the size of a book but too thin for it to be one._

_He trails off and hands the present over, looking a bit embarrassed and Jeremy smiles as he unwraps it. He feels his eyes water a little even as his smile gets wider. In his hands he’s holding a picture frame, him and Richard behind the scenes of the first day of filming Top Gear, standing very close to each other, side by side, smiling widely._

_“Bloody hell, it's... it's ridiculous, but... Dammit. I will really miss you.” his voice comes out more shaky than he intended. With Jeremy's reaction, Richard's smile drops and he feels disheartened all of a sudden, so he doesn't hesitate as he wraps his arms around Jeremy._

_They really are going to be separated from each other then, huh?_

_“I’ll be back in two weeks, Jeremy,” Richard promises, “C'mon! It's not that long! and by that time we'll be both free and home for holidays.”_

_“You’re right.” Jeremy mumbles as he pulls Richard closer to himself and wraps his arms around the smaller man's thin waist, dips his head into Richard's neck and takes a deep breath of the younger man's sweet and calming natural scent combined with his lavender shampoo._

_“I’m always right.” Richard says softly with a smile on his lips as he wraps his arms around the taller man's neck and plays with the curvy hair on the back of his head._

**~~~**

“You came back only after 5 days, though.” Jeremy says smiling. His head is hurting and it’s getting harder and harder to stay awake.

“Y-yeah... a-and.. I think we both.. just got busy a-after that.” Richard speaks slowly and in a low voice, having to take a breath between each word and Jeremy wants him to shut up, to save his little strength, but he also wants to hear his voice, even though it sounds so pained, “T-top Gear specials a-and all.” his last sentence comes out more like a whisper.

Jeremy was exhausted but damn if he wasn’t relieved. They'd just completed testing a new car and even though he didn’t know if it'd be good enough, he was just glad to be over and done with it. They wouldn’t be going home for another two weeks though, needing to film a few scenes here and there in different roads and tracks.

But despite the stress and the exhaustion, they still enjoyed their time driving different cars in different countries. He wouldn't have found Richard if it wasn't because of Top Gear and he was so glad they met each other because of that. It was literally the best thing that happened in Jeremy's whole life.

**~~~**

_Jeremy is just exiting the portakabin when someone comes up behind him and covers his eyes with their frozen cold hands. It’s by pure instinct that he elbows whoever it is and freezes when he recognizes that groan of pain coupled with that beautiful and familiar laughter. He twists around and his eyes widen in shock when his suspicion is confirmed._

_“Richard?” he gasps, all the exhaustion from before melting away just by the sight of the younger man, “What are you doing out here? Where's your coat? You're going to die of cold!”_

_“Ah.” he is shivering with cold, rubbing his shoulder where he got hit by Jeremy, “I missed you.”_

_“I missed you too, you little idiot!” Jeremy says and steps forward to wrap his arms around the smaller man's thin waist, loving how naturally Richard fits himself in Jeremy's arms._

_“Bloody hell! You're freezing cold!” Jeremy exclaims when he feels Richards cold body against his own, then he opens his oversized coat, pulls Richard closer to his chest and tucks his small figure in his warm coat, then closes his coat around both of them again._

_Richard chuckles softly, and lets out a content sigh._

_Jeremy keeps Richard tight in his long arms and rests his chin on top of the smaller man's head. He loves the way Richard fits in his arms and the way his soft, lavender shampoo scented hair is tickling his chin..._

_“I hope this isn’t a bad time for a visit. What if some of the audiences see us together like this?” Jeremy says, swinging them side to side a bit._

_“I don't care. It’s never a bad time to see you.” Richard's voice is muffled from where he's kept under Jeremy's warm coat._

_And Jeremy is sure that he's the happiest man in the whole world as long as he has this little hamster in his life._

_And nothing else matters._

**~~~**

The radio has only been exuding static for a while now, Jeremy isn’t sure how long exactly, he’s passed out a few times and so has Richard. They’ve woken each other up though but this time it’s the music that wakes Jeremy up. Etta James' voice playing through the speakers gently.

**_Oh, you smiled..._ **

**_You smiled and then the spell was cast_ **

**_Now here we are in heaven_ **

**_For you are mine at last..._ **

“Hey... Richard,” Jeremy squeezes Richard's now-completely-cold-and-limp hand in his own and huffs a bitter laugh as he fights to keep his eyes open, but there’s not much to see anyways, it’s well into the night already, “this is our song.”

For the first time - probably ever - Richard doesn’t respond.

Jeremy's heart feels heavy, and he lets his eyes fall shut.

**_Now here we are in heaven_ **

**_For you are mine at last._ **

**~~~**

**... Flash forward: 40 days after the crash ...**

**~~~**

If you’d asked Jeremy a month ago where he thought he’d be, holding hands with Richard Hammond walking through a beach in France eating ice cream wouldn’t have been it.

As their car crashed while the two of them were in it filming a new Top Gear episode named 'Perfect Road Trips', Jeremy had nearly lost consciousness before hearing the crew shouting around them.

**_~~~_ **

_“Richard? Jeremy? Can you hear me?” Someone had asked. Jeremy had heard the voices of their crew and felt the weight of the wrecked car being slowly lifted off his body._

_“Yeah,” he’d called out, coughing as he tried to draw in air. “Yeah... H-hurry. H-Hammond is hurt.”_

_And then the crew pulled Jeremy and Richard out of the wreckage of the car. Jeremy had a few fractures that would heal. Everyone had been somber when they’d pulled Richard's body out, rushing him to medics in a flurry of movement and shouts and motion._

_Jeremy thinks it was Andy who sat with him when he was sitting on the wet road drinking water and trying to think of what was happening around him, but he’d been so focused on seeing Richard being wheeled away on the stretcher that he doesn’t remember that part too well._

_He does know that Richard was in the operation room for far longer than he liked and Jeremy had been barred access, despite explaining to the nurses multiple times that Richard hated hospitals and that Jeremy should be by his side. They don’t relent and Jeremy gets chastised rather frequently for trying to break in. Andy looks worse for wear every time he does, too._

_So he’s been a little antsy to see Richard._

_When Richard is finally released, Jeremy feels nothing but overwhelming joy. Seeing the younger man's beautiful and vivid face, no longer covered in blood or shattered glass, is absolutely a sight for sore eyes._

_“Hammond!” And Richard hadn’t hesitated to jump into Jeremy's arms, wrapping his arms tight around Jeremy and locking his ankles around his waist. Jeremy brought his arms up and around the smaller man, holding him tight in his arms._

_And to Jeremy, Richard's weight felt like nothing. “Have you lost weight again? You’re much lighter than before now if that's even possible! Actually I'm worried you're going to be finished someday soon, Hamster.”_

_Richard swats at his arm as he loosens his hold to stand on the ground._

_“Shut up, Jeremy.” Jeremy couldn’t be happier though._

**~~~**

A week later and here they are, walking along the beach. They finally got that ice cream Jeremy's been talking about for weeks. Richard agrees it’s some of the best ice cream he’s ever had, even if he only ordered vanilla and the cashier had stared at Jeremy a little too long when he debated the merits of a superior, more exciting flavor like mint chocolate chip than Richard.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Richard. I... I thought…” Jeremy trails off, shaking his head. The nightmares still haunt him more often than he’d like to admit. Having to see your favorite person lifeless in a totally crashed car will do that to you.

Richard seems to sense this and brings his hand up to Jeremy's face.

“Hey, I’m here. I’m with you as always, Jeremy. I’ll always be with you,” he says, smiling wistfully. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Jeremy leans into his touch, turning his face to press his lips into Richard's soft cold palm.

Yes, Richard's hands are always cold, but it feels strangely colder than it should and Jeremy makes a mental note to buy Richard a pair of gloves as soon as he sees some. For now, Jeremy just drops his ice cream cone carelessly to the sand and grasps Richard's delicate hand in his own, folding their fingers together and sticking their hands in his pocket.

“What are you doing?” Richard asks with a laugh, but he doesn’t pull away.

“Keeping you warm, little hamster. We both know you’re not very good at self-preservation.” Jeremy says softly, but Richard grows quiet at that and doesn’t talk for several minutes after.

Jeremy thinks he hears someone calling them, calling him, but when he looks around, he doesn’t see anyone except a few of the crew walking the opposite direction.

He tugs lightly on the soft slender hand attached to his, pulling Richard towards a bench when he sees it.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Is your ice cream melted? We’ll go back to that shop right now and order a new one, one that won’t-”

“No, Jeremy. The ice cream is fine. I was just thinking, is all.”

“Thinking about what?” Jeremy doesn’t like how somber Richard's tone is, but he gets this way sometimes lately. Jeremy understands. Having a car crash as bad as theirs can lead to some serious PTSD, even if Richard seems insistent he doesn’t have it.

“I want you to be okay, Jeremy,” and that wasn’t exactly what Jeremy was expecting Richard to say.

“What do you mean? I’m great! You’re all better now, I’m all better now. Even if your mother still seems to hate me, that’s just a minor inconvenience,” he explains, waving his free hand around as if to express how okay he really is. “Richard, really. I’m just glad you’re okay. Do you know how scared I was while we were in there? I couldn't wake you up, Richard! Your body was cold as ice and I couldn't do anything! We can’t do things like that anymore. I’ll always be okay, because I'm much stronger, but you are not, and you can’t leave me alone here, okay?”

Richard stares at him for a long moment, his light-brown eyes look too bright for this lighting, like he’s about to start crying and his face is pale like when they lost consciousness in the car-- Nope, not thinking about it. Jeremy has very specifically been not thinking about it, not wanting to send Richard into a panic attack about the whole thing. They’re okay, and that’s what matters.

“Jeremy, I... I love you,” Richard says and he’s so serious it gives Jeremy pause.

“Yeah, hamster, you said that. When we were… you know,” he shrugs a little helplessly. Jeremy swallows around his own response, unable to return the words as they remind him of the crash scene.

“Yeah, I guess I did. C’mon, we’re gonna be late for the dinner with James.” Richard tugs on Jeremy's hand and they stand up, heading towards the restaurant on the seaside.

Something feels off, but Jeremy can’t quite place his finger on it. So instead of thinking about it too hard, he wraps his arms around Richard's waist, pulling him into his body. He relaxes a fraction when Richard fits himself in Jeremy's arms in return. They stay like that for a few moments before beginning to walk along the beach, and soon they arrive at the restaurant James had invited them to for the night.

 _And yeah,_ Jeremy thinks, _they’ll be okay._

**~~~**

“—remy. Jeremy!”

Jeremy startles awake, sitting up. He takes quick inventory of the room around him. He looks at a shadow in the corner and is a little frightened before his vision clears and he realises it was just a reflection from the moon through the window.

He curses under his breath, running his other hand over his head. He almost screams when he feels cold fingers press gently against the base of his spine before he remembers who’s next to him. Jeremy relaxes as he lets Richard guide him back to bed.

“Hey,” Richard whispers, curling into Jeremy's side once he’s prone. Richard's soft fingers trace gently along the scars remained from the car crash on his arm. It’s grounding, Jeremy thinks. He can’t believe he’s had more anxiety attacks about the accident than Richard, but Richard has always been an introvert.

“Hey yourself,” he whispers back, running his hand rhythmically up and down Richard's side, pausing occasionally at the dip between his ribs and hip.

“Nightmare?” They’re both so quiet, barely breathing their words out as if they’re afraid if they talk any louder they’ll break something.

“No, not really.” It’s not a lie. It hadn’t exactly been a nightmare. Jeremy had just thought he’d heard someone calling for him who wasn’t there. “I’m okay.”

Richard hums a bit and his fingers are still on Jeremy's arm. A moment later Jeremy is kissing him, and lifts the smaller man up and over until he’s on Jeremy's lap, sheet falling away from his milky white shoulders like a silk cape.

Richard is smiling so brightly and beautifully that Jeremy feels his heart explodes in his chest at Richard's immeasurable adorableness. His hands find Richard's hips automatically, gripping tightly to hold him in place.

“Fuck, Richard, you bloody little beauty,”

And yeah, okay. Nightmare or not, Jeremy's not mad he woke up.

**~~~**

“Jeremy? Jeremy. JEREMY!”

Jeremy flinches, spinning around to find Richard standing behind him.

“Hey, hamster. Sorry, Uh... must've zoned out a bit there.” He’s not sure how they got here, but they’re in the portakabin, working on the things they are going to do in the new series of Top Gear and Jeremy's a little concerned. He hasn’t lost time like that in a long time. Not since their early days getting out of the car crash. He looks around, searching for a clue to the date or time, but he’s met with a clock on the wall that doesn’t move.

He’s not even sure if it’s their clock.

Richard wraps his arms around Jeremy, pressing the side of his face to Jeremy's chest. He’s cold, always too cold, but he’s a comforting weight and Jeremy lets his hands keep Richard tightly in his arms.

“Jeremy,” Richard's voice is so small. “I n-need you to be okay, Jeremy. I... I’ve got to go.” Richard says with a low voice.

Jeremy tightens his arms around Richard, maybe a little too much because Richard gasps softly. “Go where?” He doesn’t remember Richard telling him he had to go anywhere today.

“I’ve got to go, Jeremy... y-you know that... we’ve talked about it,” Richard's voice is somber and muffled as he presses his face even more in Jeremy's shirt.

Jeremy tries to recall when they’d talked about it, but he can’t. The last thing he remembers is last night (was it last night?) in bed, and no one had been going anywhere then.

“I... I w-want you to be o-okay, Jeremy.” Richard sobs as he says.

And Jeremy's heart drops as he hears Richard's sobs and sniffles.

Richard is crying...! But... Why??? Jeremy is worried now.

“Wha… Richard, listen love, let me just finish up writing these and then we'll have a cup of coffee together and will talk about whatever it is that's bothering you, okay? Just wait a minute because I-”

“Jeremy... I-I have to go.” Richard pulls away, breaking free when Jeremy tries to keep him there. His eyes are red and his cheeks are wet with tears.

“Wait, just wait a second Richard. Just hold on,” Jeremy turns to grab both their coats, but when he turns back around, Richard is nowhere to be seen.

Frantically, Jeremy moves through the room, searching for him. “Richard? Hamster... H-Hammond! Richard, c’mon. We’re going to be okay. We’re okay. We'll make it right. Where are you?”

“Jeremy.”

Jeremy whips around, but the corners of his lips drop immediately when he finds himself standing in front of James May. He looks… “Oh! You need a shower, mate.”

James looks at him like… well, like he’s just shot his puppy and is here to apologise for it.

Jeremy's confused, and he turns back to ask Richard if he knows what’s going on only to be met with a plain white wall. The portakabin nowhere to be seen. He turns back and realises James is behind glass - that he’s behind glass and in a box and James is on the other side.

“May, what’s going on? Where’s Richard?”

James ducks his head for a minute, reaches up to brush his hair out of his face. Jeremy catches him wiping at his eye and is confused until James's grey eyes meet his and he can see the held back tears.

“Jeremy... Richard's gone. You know this,” he starts, but Jeremy's already shaking his head. “He didn’t make it after the car crash-”

“No. I mean, he said he had to go, but it probably is just a new stupid documentary filming. He’ll be back soon. We just had lunch together, May. We were- he was. We had lunch,” Jeremy knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t fall for this. This is another nightmare, an after effect of the car accident. Jeremy looks around.

“Richard's dead, Jeremy. He’s not filming a bloody documentary! he died a month ago.”

“No… That’s not. Why… Why am I here? Where am I?” Jeremy slams his fist against the glass. James only flinches a little bit. Jeremy bangs at it again and again, until his fist and the glass are smeared with blood. “Stop lying to me! He was just here.”

“Jeremy.” Jeremy stops immediately. He turns, his frantic expression softening at the sight of Richard in front of him again.

“Richard,” he says with tears welled up in his eyes, walking towards him. He barely hears James call out for him again. “Tell him, Richard.”

“Jeremy,” Richard says, holding a hand out to get Jeremy to stop. Jeremy doesn’t, too distressed from James' words. He walks right into Richard's hand and then right through it. Jeremy blinks, staring down at his chest. Richard's brow furrows as he pulls his hand back, barely corporeal as it passes through Jeremy's sternum. “J-Jeremy, I.. I have to go. I need you to be okay. Please. I h-have to go... I c-can’t stay here.” Richard is sobbing again, tears falling down his cheeks.

“Please, don’t,” Jeremy starts. He’s not above begging. He reaches for Richard, but his fingers catch nothing but air. He stares, disbelieving. “Please don’t go where I can’t follow you, Richard, please.”

“I-I’m sorry, J-Jeremy. I’m s-sorry I waited s-so long to tell you.”

Jeremy lets out a strangled yell, jumps forward to grab him, but Richard's gone before Jeremy can get his arms around him. He turns, furious, but James is no longer outside the glass either. Jeremy sees nothing but red as he approaches the glass. Without stopping to think about it, Jeremy slams his head into it once, twice, three times and he’s feeling dizzy. Good. The glass is stained red in another place as Jeremy pulls back and slams his head again.

**~~~**

When Jeremy wakes up, he’s got his arm wrapped tightly around Richard's thin waist. Richard is all curled up on his side in Jeremy's arms breathing softly, and Jeremy's nose is pressed into Richard's soft hair which smells like his stupid but heavenly lavender scent shampoo and tickles his nose, and there’s no space left between his front and Richard's back. Richard makes a small ‘hmm’ sound, wondering at what woke him, but Jeremy just shushes him and tucks his chin over his shoulder, smiling contently.

“Go back to sleep, Richard. We’re okay.”


End file.
